Penang has been TAN-ed

Woot came back from a 3D2N trip from penang. Melissa's fren, Esther is now Esther Tan :D. alot of fun things happened. fai's name is now also a verb, being part of lalafai (as in magnify, amplify, etc.). it means as an action done when one is spreading lala-ism to those around him.

ooOOoooo penang penang

too bad hiresh didn't come....fai tan missed him so much till he started blabbing out lame jokes non stop in the car today.

Penang wass sooooooo fun!! ate so much till fai and me ended up "leaving our marks" (crapping) 3 times a day.
Melissa Lim Tan drove us around in the TAnMobile (it's a black wira with TanCube scribbled all around it).
The car is super filled with stuffed toys
and our main star-> SYLVESTER TAN!!!!

Melissa was super steady(ganas) while driving, so un-ladylike hehehe. claims it's in the penang blood. salute her driving (i'm serious, she's a rather good driver). Not so much for the lady-driver stereotype anymore.

fai ate so much he started levitating
my camera decided to censor fai's jewels. kekeke

see those peeping toms?


<-original lala

fai was missing hiresh so much that he started to look different. Went to the beach and found some kinda glowing blue sand. 1st time seeing things like this. Probably the sand could sense the strong presence of the "Original Lala" that its started to glow.
melissa saw superman

Tadaaaa

Hello Kitty!!!!

the Tan family!!!! hiresh's missing :(
poke the jinn

had some dessert at "ICE ICE BABY" ahaha..... fai tan trying to suck his mango lou yeh from a distance.

melissa getting stoned by her mango dessert
was it that good?


Mel took us to the botanic garden b4 leaving. and guess who we saw.............. MONKEY TAN!!!!!

the real flowers in the garden


bye bye penang!!!

ok i've spent about 2 hours posting this beautiful piece of compilation for u guys. feel the love?

Jinn

Dear government

Ok folks, Jinn Tan said he wanted some elements of controversy in our blog so I suppose racist Fai Tan is the perfect candidate for the job la. I posted this a few weeks ago but I took it off cos it was an eyesore to 'somebody'. Ok like everyone else in the Tan family, I've come up with a quote of my own: "Call me a racist, I don't care." (Tan, 2006) It's like this, like Jinn Tan always says, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So it's up to you to decide whether I'm a racist or not la... Personally, I think I am.


Ok this couldn't come anytime better. I'm not sure about english papers but today's Sin Chew says it all. The government once again the culprit, made headlines.
Selangor education department: Next month onwards, classes in Chinese primary schools will be shortened.National education department: Latest by July, everything will be solved.
Ok this is the way Sin Chew put it: "Shortage of teachers in Selangor worsens, primary schools forced to shorten classes?" Not long ago, Pahang state had similar problems and now it's Selangor's turn. They claim that classes will be shortened from July onwards because the schools cannot afford to pay highly demanding teachers in the long term and this move is to ensure that this extra burden can be taken off the parents' shoulders. That is what the Selangor side said.
Whereas the deputy education minister Datuk Wong said, 571 freshly trained teachers will be evenly distributed among schools that suffer from this shortage of teachers by the 15th of June. Latest by 1st of July.
You might be thinking, WTF??!? On one hand you say that schools in your state have to cut short their classes and on the other hand, your superior says that everything shall be restored to its rightful state by July. Both statements are made at the same time. A principal who did not want to be named revealed that, the Selangor education department did this and it looks like as if they are doing it to help principals minimise costs but in fact, they are 'giving them a direct order' to do so. They are leaving them with no other alternatives but to comply. You might ask, what about subsidisation by the government?
Ok if you have not read my previous post, please do before proceeding. If you have, here goes. Now you think for yourself, what is the government trying to do? Stated above is all the facts. I'll leave the interpretation part to you.
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Ok apart from all that shit, good news for the Tans. The surname "Tan" is officially the surname borne by the most number of Chinese. Hiresh Tan you're a genius.

FAI

Being the sole blogger

I'll be the sole blogger over these few days as the other Tans have packed their bags and gone to Penang in search of new ways to realise and appreciate that we all are Tans. Hopefully, they'll also come back with a handful of new and exciting jokes which bring honour to our blog.

In the wee hours of the morning before dawn broke, I caught the last half an hour of the Ukraine-Switzerland clash in the comfort of my navy blue sofa which hasn't been aired out in a while. The match ended in a deadlock . Thus, extra time went underway and that portion of the fairly paceful match also ended with no smiles from either of the countries.

The penalty shootout then commenced; that part caught my eye. I was very depressed to see that the Swiss team was deeply overwhelmed by the pressure which encircled them, this pressure being manifested in the form of loud cheering and jeering of the crowd plus the very apparent confidence of the Ukrainian team.

The Swiss lost 3-0 on penalties and I reckon it was not because the Ukrainian keeper was fantastic but rather, it was the fact that they let the pressure get to them. It was scribbled prominently on their weary faces which were plagued by frightful eyes and beads of sweat ( probably cold). The first guy from the Swiss the team whacked the ball tamely down the centre hoping the keeper would dive either way. However, the shot was too tame that one could deem that the keeper had domesticated that penalty taker to render him a nice, slow shot. The second Swiss guy footed the ball really well only to hit the cross-bar which rocketed into the sky but I think his face was longer than the distance traveled by the ball when it was deflected.

Some of you may say his shot could merely have been a bad bout of luck but I think he lacked the confidence when he took the hard shot; I'm certain it would have gone in if his mind had been stronger. Lastly, the third Swiss guy plummeted the ball to the right but the Ukrainian keeper was the wiser of the two.

Basically, how the winner was determined in this anticipation-filled match boiled down to which nation could take the pressure in their stride. It was no longer a contest of skills and strength but of character and in this way, the Ukrainian team prevailed and the Swiss team faltered.

So, ladies and gentleman, don't ever compromise the opportunities of builiding your character in all your endeavors and pursuits. Be it in your studies, your games and relationships - always seek to grow in character so that you will always be strong in times of hardship and compromise.

My dear people, the much-awaited moment has finally arrived. * Drum roll ( Not Bing's sarcastic one)*. It is time to immerse our minds with some jokes.

How many heads do people have?

Five. They have 1 head and a 4-head.

One day, I overheard my right hand talking to my four fingers.

It said,"Where did my thumb go?".

The fingers replied, " He drove to Alabama".

My hand replied enthusiastically, " Wow! I've never seen a thumbdrive".

How do you cool a stadium ,in which a soccer match is taking place, when it gets too hot?

Simple; you let in more fans.

Love,
Hiresh

BYe bye KL

off to penang in about 4hours............ regret packing so late, no bag somemore haihz neways will get fai tan to put up some pics!!! too bad hiresh values his drving+ the light of his world over us, the tans.... how could he.. hiresh's a bad tan :p kekeke. have fun "driving" hiresh tan.

dun be naughty with the light of ur world ya

jinn tan

ENgland SUXXor

they suck big time. robinson's in crouch's circus (football circus)

got damm lucky with that goal. wont happen in the quarters though


Jinn doesn't know how to buy bus tickets. might end up buying some 'bas kilang' tickets for kitty and fai. :D

The -----"Tan Cube" (model: WRC2.8) 1 room---- washroom trailer

ahaha we got a washroom trailer named after us. kekeke also found Tancube Solutions Pvt Ltd, a solutions company based in india. www.tancube.com

Driving lessons

Hello all.

I had my first driving lesson yesterday; it was really good. I drove to Bangsar, Jalan Gasing ( up the hill there) and Seksyen 17 I believe over a period of three solid hours. My instructor is really a cool guy who wears his shades practically all the time. His name is Mustapa and if you do a direct Malay to English translation and vice-versa, you'd get Mestiwhat. Get it? If you don't, drop me a comment. Mustapa is also Shaneil's instructor. Chrissy and I went to sit at the 'Pondok Penguji' to see how Shaneil performed at the hill start. Haha, the poor guy stalled twice because of our 'intimidating' presence but he's a really proficient driver considering he last held the steering wheel in 2004. So, good on ya mate!

Anyway, the primary purpose of me staying in Malaysia this week is to get as many hours of driving completed. It seems like I'll be able to get 8 done before I return to my homeland, the land of the Tans. Will be spending about 2 weeks there meeting with my buddies who are currently 'owned' by the Singapore army plus those who are waiting to commence their degrees.

It's just come to my knowledge that Jinn, Fai, Princess and Kitty are heading up to Penang for a holiday this Tuesday. Haha, they invited me to join them all but it's a 'no-can-do' situation for me due to driving. You all have a great time!

OK. Time for lame jokes.

Which part of your body is Spanish?

Your El - Bow.

This is not really a joke but could this be what the Ghana coach could possibly say prior to their match with Brazil? Take a whiff of this:

Interviewer: How does your team feel about having to face Brazil in this clash of the underdog and World Cup favourite?

Ghana coach: I'm pretty confident we're Ghana beat 'em.

Haha! Jinn, I'm sorry to say that your Ghana dream will be over in a matter of days.

socceroos!!!!

almost lost my balls watching Aus Vs Croatia. wat a match. Aussie's in to the last 16!!!! maybe monash will give us extra marks for our exam? :P

The Inaugural Tans meeting

had our very first meeting where all of us were present!!! yay

topic of the day was about perfectly inelastic demand and the main discussion were regarding the 'Extinct Animal (EA) guy' and also the radar guy. kekeke

kitty tan survived 45 mins of football without falling asleep.

fai's new hairdo is cool. so long to the original lala title. bravo!! fai introduced us to his fren, tan tan wai ling* *dunno how to spell*

hiresh was dead tired after *ahem* with the light of his world

jinn is still fat and round and running around

JInn

Back from Awana Kijal

Hey all. It's good to be back in Sunway where the buses are more punctual than the ones near Awana Kijal resort. I had to wait for 45 minutes extra for my bus to arrive. I just came back this evening; a long dreary 7 hour jouney on a bus where the leg space irritated the crap out of me. Not to mention I had to take the Starline and KTM from Titiwangsa and Bank Negara respectively. Wow, let me tell you: when I reached KL Sentral station, swarms of people rushed in like the train had free Nasi Lemak to offer. I tried to stand firm but the pressure of the flocks of bodies was just too overwhelming; I could literally feel the effect of being sardined.

Anyway, I got back at around 7 pm and Christina came by at 7 30! It was really great to see her; really made the numerous cumbersome activities of the day all worthwhile. Thanks dear!

On a different note, Christina and I were talking about what a pastor at the church she attends had mentioned during his sermon. A point that he made during that sermon was really very intriguing. He said that the brain is basically divided into two parts: the right and left. He continued by profoundly exclaiming that," In the left part, there is nothing right and in the right, there is nothing left" (Tan, 2006). Haha. Technically, our brains are of no use in that sense. I referenced with the name ' Tan ' because I am uncertain of his surname but since our fundamental belief is that everyone is a 'Tan', my actions are justified.

Finally, here are some lame jokes to satisfy your hunger for special humour. I have had this recent fetish for car jokes so I shall persist in making them.

Which car is able to relax the most?

Perodua Kancil ( can chill)

Which car chooses not to be horned?

Honda ( dah horn)

Which handphone brand does the Kia absolutely detest?

No-kia ( because they are anti-Kia)

Those are all my jokes for now. Till we meet again.

pain

pain, it doesn't hurt when you cut yourself,
or when you fall down,
but it truly hurts when something is loss, and forever gone,
irreplaceable is the value and the emotions that dwells with it.

pain, nothing hurts more than the bitterness within,
the disappointment in people,
it burns the soul when the ones u trust go back on their words,
promises forgotten, things get broken.

joy, all is shattered all is crushed,
in a nick of time, before you know it,
before you realise, it flees from you,
driven away by the bitterness within.

gone is the hope, gone is the smile,
the values you hold, they seem so far,
like a dream, that can only be seen,
beyond reach, beyond grasp.

gone is the trust you have,
expectations driven away,
my emotions are stirred, for the very last time,
it is finished, without hope, there is no pain.

It is finally the end,
God please help me,
to heal this pain, to have trust,
to have hope, to have expectations again.



Jinn.





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Jinn is not depressed, nor is he dying.
just feels so pissed that, he can't feel anger anymore.
what that means, I've got no idea :P

Sorry for the delay

Sorry to post only after such a long period. I'll make it snappy. Here are the 3 lame jokes I owe readers.

Which car brand is the newest in Malaysia?

Subaru. ( So- baru)

What kind of tree can u give a High-5 to?

A palm tree.

What is Accounting?

It refers to the process of counting how many 'A' s you have achieved. (Devaser, S.R.P.J, 2006)

Happy holidays.

Tiara Faber, Taman Desa, 8:10P.M - 10.39P.M

Ok first thing's first, compliments to William, the guy who made it all possible.
Guys, as promised, edited, filtered and most importantly, narrations included.

For those of you who have got no idea what is going on here, William invited us all over to his place for a BBQ party. I think they were celebrating the fact that Hiresh Tan has got to sit for the Malaysian studies paper tomorrow. Actually William didn't really invite me over but Hiresh did so since I had nothing on mind for the night, go oni la...

"Our master chefs of the day"

"The picks-of-the-day."

"And there's the arrival of the couple-of-the-day."

"Hiresh Tan, you look hostile... What did Pat do to your Christina Tan?"

"Hiresh Tan trying to look ugly... Actually you don't need to try... You already are."

"See YC, told you not to touch those charcoal"

"Beng wanted to pee... He needed the plastic bag AND the drain. Imagine."

"Beng, there's a dent on your forehead."

"Manwhore getting paid. Which is the manwhore which is the customer, use common sense."

"Only two Tans... Ok Christina is a Tan also but i wonder where is the OTHER Tan?"

"Pat rubbing his ass against Hiresh (manwhoring)... Oh crap I think Beng is lining up a bid for Pat's services."

"Yea man Daniel, cheers! To Doc Soo who's cooking dinner for you at home... I didn't make that up ok? You said it yourself..."

"Ok who's gay?"

Prepared by Fai Tan. That's "Fai's infamous facial expression"(Jessie, 2006)

Day2

Just came back from our inaugural Tans meeting. Fai couldn't come, Melissa Tan a.k.a Queen MaMa Princess Stitch couldn't come so it ended up as a date between me and Hiresh.

Good food makes people happy!!!

Ate till we were on the verge of bursting... I blame fai

Fai got car..car is wira.. wira is WJN 3655... if u see this car coming towards u, please maintain a safe distance, for your own good

anyways heard the best of Hiresh's jokes, not that lame actually

"Q: why is it not good to kidnap students from Taylor's College?

A: No parking" (Devaser, H., 2006).

come to think of it, IT IS LAME!!!

Jinn has done it again

got the links to work!!! yippie

I know i'm good :D
thank you thank you

worked out a poem toking to elaine
here it goes

"mandi mandi,
haven't mandi,
smelly smelly,
backside itchy,
if I don't mandi,
Will taste salty"
(Jinn,2006)

Lameness is an infectious disease!!!

My day ended with Milly calling me lame .......(Fai, stop laughing now, take a second to ponder, aren't you a little lamer now than before? yeap blame it on Hiresh). The lame jokes from Hiresh kinda stuck in my head now.

Jinn wanna make long long post and beat two other Tans!

Being on the technical side's kinda sucky. Everything from the creation to the maintenance of this blog is under my care. So much to do and all i get in Fai Tan's post is one paragraph! So, as of now, I appoint myself as the Managing Director of this blog with Fai under Advertising and Hiresh Quality Control.

Alot has been achieved since the creation of this blog. Kenny has been given the priviledge to post in this blog. MsSam and Kenny can now show the world that they're affiliated to this great masterpiece (sorry Kenny, will try to get the link to work soon).

Okay, this is boring.

Jinn makes chatterbox. Fai and Mil floods chatterbox with nonsense! The box is available thanks to Mil (nah, ur appreciation). I was busy trying to fix Kenny's link and Mil came asking for a box. Had to fulfill Mil's desires to flood our blog so I promptly made the box. Who knows wats gonna happen if I don't.... Btw, she told me to "enjoy my balls" last night :P

kla can't think of anything else ledi. I shall follow Hiresh's example and end my technical division's report by quoting a lame joke from him.

"Q: what Journal and Ledger has the highest military rank?

A: The General Journal & General Ledger" (Devaser, H.,2006)

Managing people and organisations

Hiresh, put a title to your post la...

Ok, the first of Fayol's 14 fundamental principles of management: Division of work
Although in my MGW1010 exam i denied the practicality of the general adminstrative theories in modern organisations, it seems that it is applicable here.

Jinn Tan is responsible for technical support. Maintenance work such as adding and linking tancube fellow associates and affiliates such as kenny or maybe the radar guy is yours. Templates, chatter box and making the blog presentable is all yours smart ass.

Fai Tan takes pictures to be posted onto the blog because "Fai has a camera phone" (Tan, 2006). And of course I bear the inevitable task of posting something onto the blog once in a while cos this makes me look like I actually have an instrumental part to play in this company of threesome.

Hiresh tan, founder of tancube and the whole ideology, takes up the responsibility of correcting grammatical, spelling or language-related errors that we might have embedded in our not-so-precise english (if there is any). And like he said, he will also provide you privileged readers of the tancube, a daily lame joke.

FAI

Finally, the journey begins. Hi everyone. I'd like to introduce myself; my name is Hiresh Tan and I am the founder of this threesome ( no sexual innuendos intended) comprising Fai, Jinn and myself.

I'd like to outline how this organisation has become what it is today. Back in Singapore, it is very common for you to come across many 'Tans', be it in your neigbourhood, workplace or the newsreporter on TV. Go to any classroom in any school and shout, "Can I see Tan please?". At least two heads should turn to the sound of that. If that is not the case, you haven't shouted loudly enough.

Anyway, I decided it would be appropriate to blend in with the majority of society by ensuring that everyone's surname is Tan. Even if your name is James Tan, you'd need to alter it to James Tan Tan. May seem redundant but it's just a mechanism that ensures the system is maintained in an orderly fashion. A small price to pay.

The three of us have come up with this website to expand our network of Tans and convey the truth to the public; the truth being that everyone is necessarily a Tan and needs to accept the reality of it with open arms. By always reminding others of who they are, we hope that they will begin to acknowledge that being a Tan is a unique privilege that will enable them to achieve self-actualisation at a later point in their lives ( Devaser et al. , 2006).

Each of my posts will end with a lame joke that will either make you ponder deeply about the very interesting characteristics of the English language or compel you never to lay eyes on this blog again. The choice is ultimately yours. Just remember that the three of us desire to help you succeed in your individual paths in this 'Tan - infested' world and that our intentions are always good. I reiterate; our intentions are always good.

Finally, the moment all of you have been waiting for. The very first lame joke. What is special about this joke is that the other two Tans, namely Jinn and Fai, have never heard it before. So, hear goes:

Which part of your body has the most fish?
Your shoal-der

Tan Two

Why do i get the second post? why can't i get the first one? actually hiresh should get the first post but since his life is being lighted up right now, fine... we'll have to live with it... yea u know what? we should get a girlfriend some time... light up my life and lose jinn some weight... it rhymes eh... youuuu.... light up my life... lose jinn some fats... cos he looks bad... u light up my day... he runs away... to the star........ lame...
oh by the way, the theme of this blog is mainly about lameness... suits our founder...

FAI

The Union of the Tans!!!

here it is!!!! the Tans!!!

Jinn Tan reporting in with the 1st post!!!! its official!!!

dunno wat else to say ledi.... oh yeah Three TAns are : Jinn Fai and Hiresh!!!

fai posting next... he sux