Better late than nothing
Same old quote, better late than nothing at all. The FIFA World Cup 2006 Germany is already in the history books for about 3 weeks already. In fact it's starting to rot and stink. The stench is everywhere. Blatant dives, intentionally hurting a fellow opponent, unsporting play, flying elbows, poor refereeing, etc etc... The list goes on and so as the arguing and blaming.
Ok the golden globe disputably/undisputedly (up2u to decide) went to Italy and here we have some REALLY talented nominees to contend for the golden elbow award.
In reverse order
10 Helder Postiga (Portugal)
Only used as a substitute in Portugal's games but still managed to light up Germany with an impressive range of blatant dives in the penalty box (and I wonder why). Has loads of potential to be a future golden elbow winner surely.
9 Peter Crouch (England)
Well the pictures say it all... Known as the football circus to Jinn Tan and chopstick legs to my mum, this freakshow fails not to entertain. Heading the ball to no-man's-land is his specialty but most of all, when he has the ball, he prefers stumbling over his craney legs and anticipate a foul-call from the referee than to actually have a shot at goal. Funny eh?
8 Fabio Grosso (Italy)
Yea he's the sissy who ran and cried when he scored that goal against Germany. The lanky left-back stumbled bravely into Lucas Neill's prostrate body. What's a guy to do? Win the World Cup, that's what.
7 Thierry Henry (France)
When struck in the chest by a pube-headed Spaniard, best to fall down and clutch your face. Chest, face, it's all the same these days. Thanks must go to Rivaldo for his sterling work in this field. Henry is a great player indeed (arguably the best striker of his time) but sometimes it's really an eyesore to see the world's best act like they do.
6 Florent Malouda (France)
He was all over the place in the match against Italy and Spain. Mysteriously falling over on numerous occasions despite the faintest of touches from opponents. Now I comprehend the frustration felt by the Spaniards after the match. Bunch of professional footballers beaten by a diver. Can't blame them.
5 Zinedine Zidane (France)
He's the genius. He'd score spectacular goals from any position on the field. He is the essence of football. Class oozes out of him even though its just a short pass but let's face it, he got mad and he let anger take control of him. Like a friend currently in Hong Kong said, "if you can't control your anger, how can you control the ball?" (Dai Wai, 2004)
4 Luis Figo (Portugal)
Q. When is a headbutt not a headbutt?
A. When it's a headbutt by The Great Master Luis Figo, swarthy master of illusions.
3 Daniele De Rossi (Italy)
Used an elbow in "self-defence" against American Brian McBride's dangerously square head. FIFA applauds you Daniele - you can have a winners' medal too.
2 Marco Materazzi
Scored in the World Cup final but will always be rightly remembered for his diplomatic dialogue with that French genius. "This Materazzi guy is so big, but I tell you what, I bet even Michael Owen or Jermaine Defoe could have sent him flying." (Shebby, 2006) Well, that explains it all. Aww~ you're sad because you got the runners-up spot... Poor thing...
1 Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)
Ok the golden globe disputably/undisputedly (up2u to decide) went to Italy and here we have some REALLY talented nominees to contend for the golden elbow award.
In reverse order
10 Helder Postiga (Portugal)
Only used as a substitute in Portugal's games but still managed to light up Germany with an impressive range of blatant dives in the penalty box (and I wonder why). Has loads of potential to be a future golden elbow winner surely.
9 Peter Crouch (England)
Well the pictures say it all... Known as the football circus to Jinn Tan and chopstick legs to my mum, this freakshow fails not to entertain. Heading the ball to no-man's-land is his specialty but most of all, when he has the ball, he prefers stumbling over his craney legs and anticipate a foul-call from the referee than to actually have a shot at goal. Funny eh?
8 Fabio Grosso (Italy)
Yea he's the sissy who ran and cried when he scored that goal against Germany. The lanky left-back stumbled bravely into Lucas Neill's prostrate body. What's a guy to do? Win the World Cup, that's what.
7 Thierry Henry (France)
When struck in the chest by a pube-headed Spaniard, best to fall down and clutch your face. Chest, face, it's all the same these days. Thanks must go to Rivaldo for his sterling work in this field. Henry is a great player indeed (arguably the best striker of his time) but sometimes it's really an eyesore to see the world's best act like they do.
6 Florent Malouda (France)
He was all over the place in the match against Italy and Spain. Mysteriously falling over on numerous occasions despite the faintest of touches from opponents. Now I comprehend the frustration felt by the Spaniards after the match. Bunch of professional footballers beaten by a diver. Can't blame them.
5 Zinedine Zidane (France)
He's the genius. He'd score spectacular goals from any position on the field. He is the essence of football. Class oozes out of him even though its just a short pass but let's face it, he got mad and he let anger take control of him. Like a friend currently in Hong Kong said, "if you can't control your anger, how can you control the ball?" (Dai Wai, 2004)
4 Luis Figo (Portugal)
Q. When is a headbutt not a headbutt?
A. When it's a headbutt by The Great Master Luis Figo, swarthy master of illusions.
3 Daniele De Rossi (Italy)
Used an elbow in "self-defence" against American Brian McBride's dangerously square head. FIFA applauds you Daniele - you can have a winners' medal too.
2 Marco Materazzi
Scored in the World Cup final but will always be rightly remembered for his diplomatic dialogue with that French genius. "This Materazzi guy is so big, but I tell you what, I bet even Michael Owen or Jermaine Defoe could have sent him flying." (Shebby, 2006) Well, that explains it all. Aww~ you're sad because you got the runners-up spot... Poor thing...
1 Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)
Congratulations to Cristiano "Sissy" Ronaldo!! He plays like a sissy and he certainly cries like one and he has won the inaugural Golden Elbow award – quite a feat huh? His father who named him after the former U.S president Ronald Reagan must be very proud of him. I didn't know Mr. Reagan liked diving.... There you have it, Ronaldo with the international hand signal. No...who said it meant "Fuck"? "My students once told me, that hand signal actually represents Pepsi!" (MarkeTingDingHooi, 2006)
So there you have it, the nominees and the ultimate winner. If you think the way I arranged them is bullshit, please by all means, comment on it. That's just my opinion and we, the Tans want to know what you readers think.
FAI
posted by Jinn at 5:35 PM
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